Unrest

In preparing for this trip, our finances were a major concern. Money was getting pretty tight when I remembered a debt from many years ago that I had never made right. So there we sat, ready to jeopardize our financial future to follow God's leading while I have this clear issue that I needed to address. I tried to argue with God that this was not the time to make amends. We really needed the money for this trip and, after all, 15 years had passed so what difference could another year make?

Well, I could not get any peace with that line of thinking and the time was drawing near, so we decided to pay it right away. If this trip was His will, He would work out the finances. But instead of being assured that we made the right decision, my unrest got worse. Whenever I tried to sort this out in my head, it was absolutely unbearable. It was as intense as getting too close to a roaring bonfire. I thought I might actually burst into flames. One day I was driving on the highway and I had to stop thinking about it because I thought I would crash. It was downright terrifying.

Finally, I cried out (more like yelled) "What is it, God? What am I missing here? I am trying to do the right thing, but things are getting worse!" Then it came to me. As a direct result of my actions, the amount of my debt was exactly double what I had originally remembered. This was really great. We are already planning on exhausting our entire savings account and suddenly this thing just doubled. But I now had great clarity. I called on Him and He answered. So I said "OK. Double it is." At that very moment I got a sense of peace like I have never known. Like a wave, it came over me from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. It was one of the most powerful things I have ever felt in my life.

Right after this, I received the list of donations from our supporters and we were blown away. The financial issues were gone.